To Trust of Not to Trust

After you've had your significant other cheat on you multiple times, you find it difficult to trust again.  Compound that by your rebound Peter Pan cheating, or you finding evidence that leads you believe that he cheated and well you have quite the dilemma.  Those of you that know me well, know I spend quite a bit of my free time in the gym.  My reason?  A good workout gets the "crazy" thoughts out of my head, and keeps the self esteem in check.

Looking back on last year, I think I should have conquered my fear of being alone and ditched Peter Pan immediately after his Christmas incident.  But I didn't, why you ask?  Because I was afraid of really being alone.  I was still in college when I met Lucifer, and for better or worse I spent 13 year of my life with him. So despite what a jerkoff he was to me, he was there.  It's not easy going from always having an anchor there, to having no one there.  And fear my friends, is what can be our worst enemy.  Many of my girlfriends told me I was making a big mistake by wasting my time with Peter Pan, but I of course did not listen.  The only person I could have compared Peter Pan to was Lucifer, so in the beginning I thought he was Mr. Wonderful.  I was blinded by what were nice enough qualities and didn't set the bar high enough. 

Eventually my eyes were opened and I recycled Peter Pan.  And I think for the first time in a very long time, God said to himself, "Let me show Lisa what a real man is like"  I think, because next week will be four whole months with a really great guy.  We even leave next Tuesday for South Beach, the first half will be work for me, the second will be play for us.  We will be together for 5 nights, 6 days.  Whoa.  And I'm nervous, that the awesomeness will fade away, or he will go mad just like the others.  I guess after 6 days together I will be able to really tell.  Oh boy.  Cross everything for me next week.

Now onto Peter Pan and Lucifer, I stalked them through Facebook today.  This was big time stalking, mainly because Peter Pan deleted me, so I had to log on through a friends account.  and Lucifer blocked me so again I had to use a friends account.  I'm not crazy people!  I was curious!  We all get curious!  Right?

You're probably wondering WHY is she stalking these man children all these months later.  Again, I was just curious.  Normal right?  And what do I see???  Desiree wrote on Peter Pan's wall.  And Lucifer is flirting with yet another 18 year old.  A leopard never loses his spots, or a freak never loses his creepy behavior.  My point in this is, ladies and gentlemen ALWAYS trust your gut.  Don't waste your precious time on anyone who doesn't give you Diva status ALL the time. 

Tomorrow I promise we will discuss when I discovered Lucifer was cheating on me the second time.  I just needed a breather from all that toxicity.  I also wanted the opportunity to brag how excited I am to go away with a normal guy.  Or someone who I hope is normal.