Divorce Goggles

I find it mind blowing that in my adult life I still have "snow days" - don't get me wrong, I appreciate them, but  have learned I work harder on these "snow days" then on regular days.  NJ had yet another big snow and ice storm, and at 8AM the boyfriend and I were outside cleaning off our cars (well he was I held the scraper and pointed), by 9AM I was inside getting ready for our 10:30AM delayed opening, then by 10:15AM I discovered the office was closed.  So I spent my entire afternoon working from our very slow server with Diesel my Boston Terrier snuggled on my lap.  Blogging about Lucifer can be draining so I think I'd like to discuss Divorce Goggles.  I hope no one minds me jumping off subject today.

I filed for divorce summer of 2009.  Later we will discuss the event (as IF Angel Eyes wasn't enough) that pushed me to file, but for now I want to talk "Divorce Goggles."  Divorce Goggles are what everyone develops immediately following a divorce, similar to Beer Goggles, only there no frosty beverages involved.  You are so emotionally spent from the events leading up to and the divorce itself that your radar is not fully operating and you settle to get your mind off the events going on in your life.  In my case
Divorce Goggles = Peter Pan.

I met Peter Pan by accident, I was NOT looking to meet someone.  He was a nice guy, but certainly NOT my type.  He was almost 40, had a male roommate, lacked any solid relationship experience, and knew alot of nothing.  His family and friends would constantly tell me what a "nice" guy he was.  It became annoying.  Show me, don't tell me.  He was cheap beyond belief, in all the months we dated I didn't get one lousy bunch of flowers, no Christmas gift, nothing people!.  He was helpful, but let's be honest I'm looking for a man to court me, not to be my bitch and run my errands.  Now for the good stuff.

For all his bad qualities, he was a nice guy, just not boyfriend material, certainly not husband material and NOT my type.  I like a man that if the house is getting robbed he isn't going to hide under my skirt.  I like a man that if I borrow his shirt it looks like a dress on me not a belly shirt.  I like a man that if I'm spending the night at his home I don't have to whisper so we don't wake his 40 something male roommate with the world's largest lego collection.  I think I made my point.

Peter Pan would often brag about all the women he dated, often referring to his many women as "different flavors of ice cream" and I would think to myself if you're ice cream than you are the Wal-Mart brand cheap-o.  I soon began to realize this bragging was his insecurity coming out.   I often wonder if Peter Pan ever had a normal relationship with a woman beyond two solid months.  He certainly didn't act like it.  See Lucifer was an asshole, but didn't hide it, Peter Pan was a wolf in baby sheep clothing.

The problem with Divorce Goggles is when you have them on, anyone that tries to remove them instantly annoys you.  Occasionally, I would catch Peter Pan doing something embarrassing, but then I would put my goggles back on.  I can vividly remember when I was at Applebys with  my friend Jenna and Peter Pan decided to "surprise" me and meet us there.  We had just gotten out of spin class and looked well we looked gross, well I did anyway.  Clue that I could care less was that it I was out in public looking homeless and made no effort to put any deodorant on after a spin class.  Now if my current boyfriend was going to surprise me I would be ecstatic, showered and primped. 

Anyway, I can remember sitting by the bar looking like my trailer was parked out back and watching Peter Pan enter Applebys.  Instantly I felt my stomach turning.  Why you ask?  Prior to this Peter Pan had accepted his very very very large Stepfather's inspector gadget winter coat.  More proof that he was just cheap.  This coat was ridiculously large on him, it looked more like a cape and I HATED when he insisted on wearing it.   I'm sorry but when you're single in your late 30's, supposedly make good money and have a freaking roommate BUY YOURSELF A COAT THAT FITS.  Well we saw Peter Pan entering the restaurant, I made a point of ordering a stronger Pomegranate Martini, it's all about numbing yourself.  When he got to the table all I heard was noise coming out of his mouth.  Why?  Because when he took his cape off he was wearing a freaking sweater his mother MADE him.  And it looked like it.  What made this worse was when he removed the sweater there as a label that said:  knitted with love by MOM.  I don't drop the f bomb much but seriously WHAT THE FUCK.  What grown ass man wears his stepfathers coat followed by a sweater his mom knit?  There is nothing cute about a grown man wearing a mama's special sweater.  NOTHING!

Now onto an even bigger problem, my friend Jenna is one of those friends that if we just look at each other the wrong way we can laugh for hours.  This was a disaster waiting to happen.  I avoided eye contact with her at all costs.  I also wasn't ready to admit she was right, I needed to face my fear of being alone and recycle Peter Pan ASAP.

I could babble about Peter Pan for hours, but I don't want bore you.  Tomorrow we will pick up on Lucifer and eventually I will tell you about my pretty funny break up with Peter Pan that involved my sister and I sending random notes for my kitchen chair.