I've neglected you guys, I'm sorry. The past few weeks have left me in a bit of a rut I suppose. No no no, the love life is wonderful, I have no complaints. Work is also going well. I know you were all worried.
The issue is when you go through an emotional divorce you set very standards for the people you are closest to. You think that because you have endured your own personal hell the people closest to you will honor your new code of ethics. And when someone breaks the code, you crash. And then you start to think, "if I stop setting high expectations for people I love than I won't get hurt, again."
I have an extremely close friend, we will call her Scarlet. I would do anything for Scarlet, even hide a body during an murder, because that's what friends do. In return, I just ask for some respect. And when I say respect, I just mean holding the relationship close to her heart and considering my feelings as I do hers. Simple enough, right?
Well, Scarlet has recently joined the Big D club, and I'm not referring to boobs or penises, I'm referring to Divorce. It's a club no one wants to join, yet so many people are coming aboard.
What makes this world so wonderful is all the different types of people. Scarlet and I both handled our recent divorces quite differently. When I first realized my marriage was ending I went into mourning, and decided to chop all my hair off and get a god awful bob type hair cut. Rule #1 NEVER cut your hair after your spouse cheats on you. You will be left with some strange mushroom hairstyle and become even more depressed. If you must get your anger out do NOT take it out on your hair, have a glass of wine and THINK first. Scarlet on the other hand threw herself into her work and sort of vanished. Or so I thought.
For those of you who have not experienced divorce, it's like mourning a death. It's tough, there is no right or wrong way to go through this. I took a step back from Scarlet and let her do her thing. Because if I was to judge anything I'd be a hyprocrite.
And then it happened. I came home from work last week to discover Scarlet moved out the evening before and in with someone else. Not only is Scarlet on of the closest people in the world to me, she's pratically a neighbor. For the first time in months I cried. I cried because I was hurt and hate to admit this I felt alone. I'm really not a crier, it's a waste of bodily fluids. But this just hurt. Why would someone that you've been close to your entire life just pick up, move and not tell you? Someone who you deliberately moved near because they wanted you there and vice versa? Someone who you have always made a priority during your difficult times, someone who you have truly shown unconditional love to. I understand life goes on, and my hurt is in Scarlet moving like a thief in the night and not telling me. It's mind boggling.
And so begins the next chapter in my life. Finding a way to forgive and be happy for Scarlet, and truly living "alone" and finding my own path.
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